Woops

I seem to be failing miserably at keeping up my blogging, but I'm living life, so that's a good trade-off.

Nothing new to report. I'm still working on getting my house in tip-top shape. Still trying to get myself in better shape. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless.

I've been spending a lot of time soul-searching. No huge epiphanies yet, but maybe soon.

And I still wish my laundry would do itself.



I am a great procrastinator. When the writing is going really well, the laundry piles up.
-Dana Spiotta-

You Happy?

No, my darling neglected blog, I have not forgotten you. June has just been a month so full of happenings I haven't had  much time to blog. My "real" writing is going well, however, because I'm keeping a notebook on my person at all time.

That's been the best part of this month so far, focusing again on my writing and making it a priority. I am still trying to figure out how to balance everything. It's so much harder than I realized. The problem is that if I don't make time for myself and the things that are important to me that no one else will. I'm a better mom when I'm doing my own work too.

Recently my three-year-old has started asking me a thought-provoking question:

"You happy, Mama?"

It's a question that always stops me a little short. In theory, I am but in actuality I feel restless and discontent. There isn't enough time, I keep lamenting, to do all the things I need or want to do.

In better news, my continued quest to get my home in order is going really well, although it is currently a complete and total mess - but that's life when you have kids!

June: A Good Person Takes Care of Herself

The month of June is meant to help me become a better person by taking care of myself. To be honest, I don't really know what this entails.

WARNING: This blog is negative.

So what do I do to take care of myself? I need to lose weight, obviously. I need to take time for my art and my writing. It would be nice to pamper myself a little bit.

Here's the thing - I am not a huge fan of myself right now. It recently came to my attention that I am virtually unemployable. I worked hard on my career and education before I had kids, but I've been out of the workforce for so long that I no longer have viable references; there is no one to write me a letter of recommendation; I have no legitimate work experience for the last 6 years.

I know that being a mom is important, but being a stay at home mom was never my dream. I hate not contributing to my family financially. I hate not having an identity outside of being a mama to my boys. And while that is a great and good thing, it is not 100% fulfilling.

So this month will be me figuring out what I need and how to provide it for myself. (While still continuing to take care of my home, of course.)

Big Fat Yikes, Emphasis on the Fat

So the whole Taking Care of My Home thing is going really well. My house is still a mess 50% of the time, but it feels like it's more manageable to clean and organize. I have a few projects that, when they're finished, will make life even better, so that's exciting.

I hope you don't mind, then, if I jump ahead to June's chosen theme: A Good Person Takes Care of Herelf. Since about November I've been noticing my weight more and more. At first it didn't bother me, I have no hang-ups about being chubby.

The last few weeks, however, I've noticed that it's started to get in the way of fun. I get winded, tired, and sweaty WAY easier than I should. Even my "chubby" clothes are starting to get a little too tight. I feel gross.

I am a huge advocate for being happy in your own skin. That being said, I think everyone has a certain weight where they are the most comfortable. I have now passed my "weight comfort zone."

I don't put a lot of stock in scales, but I thought I would weigh myself today, just for fun. I tipped the scales at 190. That is, by far, the heaviest I have ever been. When I weighed myself in October I was at 170. Those extra 20 lbs are making me miserable.

Losing weight is hard. Exercising sucks. But I am 31 years old and I should be able to chase my kids up the stairs without having to stop halfway up for a rest.

Tonight I am going to an adult ballet class. It's been 10 years and 2 pregnancies since I last danced, but I love dancing and I'm hoping that I'll enjoy it enough to keep at it. I think that's the key to exercising - find something you love or that you're good at.

On the eating better side of things, I am still coming up with a plan. TO THE LIBRARY!



Please note: Any tips on getting healthy are more than welcome!